Production support Issues

Most of the you guys might face similar issues in past or might be in future J

Why the Production support guys are really frustrated. 1) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."  Customer : "Ok."  Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"  Customer : "No."  Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"  Customer : "No."  Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until  this point?"  Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."  ----------------------------------------  2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still  getting the same error message."  Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"  Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"  --------------------------------------------------  3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."  Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."  Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."  Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."  Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."  Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."  Customer : "What?"  Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"  Customer: "No..."  --------------------------------------------------  4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"  Tech Support: ?!%#$ (well pretend to smile)  --------------------------------------------------  5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can  you see the 'OK' button displayed?"  Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"  Tech support : ##### ***  --------------------------------------------------  6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"  Customer : "A white one."  Tech support : ******_____####  --------------------------------------------------  7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"  Customer : "Pentium."  Tech support : ////-----+++  --------------------------------------------------  8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal  abortion."  Tech support : ??????  --------------------------------------------------  9). Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."  Tech Support : ?!%#$  --------------------------------------------------  10). Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"  Tech support : ??????  --------------------------------------------------  11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print  document, but the computer won't boot properly."  Tech Support : "What does it say?"  Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."  Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"  Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."  Tech support : @@@@@  --------------------------------------------------  12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open  24 hours."  Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"  --------------------------------------------------  13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"  Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."  Tech Support : "Well?"  Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"  Tech support : *** ---- ++++  --------------------------------------------------  The best of the lot  14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that  his computer is faulty.  Tech: What's the problem?  User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.  Tech: (keeps quite for moment)  Tech: You'll need a new power supply.  User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.  Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.  User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup  and it will fix the problem!  All I need is for you to tell me the command.  Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is  right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.  Tech support:: (hush hush)  Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there  is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.  User: I knew it!  Tech : Just add the line LOAD MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "www.binscorner.com" claiming to be NOSMOKE.COM < MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "www.binscorner.com" claiming to be http://nosmoke.com/ > <  MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "www.binscorner.com" claiming to be http://nosmoke.com/> at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it  goes. 10 minutes later.  User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.  Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?  User : MS-DOS 6.22.  Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with  NOSMOKE.  Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file.  Let me know how it goes.  1 hour later.  User : I need a new power supply.  Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?  Tech support : (hush hush)  User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he  started asking questions about the make of power supply.  Tech: Then what did he say?  User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.  -------------------------------------------------  Height Of all (Too Good)  15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right  now and may I help u in  finding it out?  Cust: sure  CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?  Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?