The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened   in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.

  Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

 There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

 There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular  floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down

 except to exit the building!

 So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .

 On the first floor the sign board on the door reads:

 Floor 1    - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

 On the second floor, sign board reads: 

 Floor 2    - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

 The third floor sign board reads:

 Floor 3    - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are

 extremely good looking.

 "   Wow   ," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

 She goes to the fourth floor and sign board reads:

 Floor 4    - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead

 good looking and help with the housework.

 "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

 Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign board reads:

 Floor 5    - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead

 gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

 She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign board reads:

 Floor 6   - You are visitor 96,893,299   to this floor. There are no men on

 this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to

 please.

 Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit

 the building, and have a nice day!

Stupid Questions and Smart Answers....

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Wilson says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter? 

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

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BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

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GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

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GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

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GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

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BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

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BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

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WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

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1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

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2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

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3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

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4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

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5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.

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6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

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7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've
failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".

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8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

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9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

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10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
treated. The others all died".

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11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."

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12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Funny Killer English

Principal to student…” I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette… ? ”

************ ********* ***
Class teacher once said :
” pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!”
************ ********* *** once Hindi teacher said….”I’m going out of the world to America..”
************ ********* ***
“..DON’T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..”
************ ********* ***
don’t. laugh at the back benches…otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down…..
************ ********* ***
it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
” why is fan not oning” (ing form of on)
************ ********* ***
teacher in a furious mood…
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
************ ********* ***
“shhh… quiet… the principal is revolving around college”
************ ********* ***
My manager started like this
“Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids”
************ ********* ***
“I’ll illustrate what i have in my mind” said the professor and erased the board
************ ********* ***
“will u hang that calendar or else I’ll HANG MYSELF”
************ ********* ***
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ,” IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE”
************ ********* ***
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us…
“My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter”
************ ********* ***
Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
************ ********* ***
“why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!”
************ ********* ***
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
“I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
************ ********* ***
Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
“Keep quiet, the principal has passed away

Hidden Meanings in Company Talks

1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”
3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same”
4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done “At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”
6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”
7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”
8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”
9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”
10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually fought”
11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”
12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”
13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”
14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”
15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”
16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”
17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

Tension..........................!!!!!!!!!!

Tension

  
   

What is Tension? 
  
A beautiful girl asks lift from you.  On the way she faints and you take her to hospital. 
  
Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.
 

  
  
  
  

  
THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED. 
  
You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’ 
Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’ 
  
  
  

  
 

YOU HAVE MORE TENSION. 
 
Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father. 
  
EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU. 

  
  

 
 

Anyhow you thank God and return home.  Then you think,  “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?” 
  
  
  
  
THIS IS REAL TENSION.