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Showing posts with label best jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label best jokes. Show all posts

Worth reading !!!!!


o        India is the world's largest, oldest, continuous civilization.
o        India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.
o        India is the world's largest democracy.
o        Varanasi, also known as Benares, was called "the ancient city" when Lord Buddha visited it in 500 B.C.E, and is the oldest, continuously inhabited city in the world today.
o        India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
o        The World's first university was established in Takshashila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
o        Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software - a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987.
o        Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in our civilization.
o        Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development, India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the early 17th Century. Christopher Columbus was attracted by India's wealth.
o        The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindhu 6000 years ago. The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.
o        Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days.
o        The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.
o        Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10**53(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera 10**12(10 to the power of 12).
o        IEEE has proved what has been a century old suspicion in the world scientific community that the pioneer of wireless communication was Prof. Jagdish Bose and not Marconi.
o        The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
o        According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake calledSudarshana was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta Maurya's time.
o        Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.
o        Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipment were used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion, metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.
o        When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization).
o        The four religions born in India, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism, are followed by 25% of the world's population.
o        The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.
o        India is one of the few countries in the World, which gained independence without violence.
o        India has the second largest pool of Scientists and Engineers in the World.
o        India is the largest English speaking nation in the world.
o        India is the only country other than US and Japan, to have built a super computer indigenously

One Hell of a Headache

Steve had suffered from blinding headaches for many years, since his late teens. He decided to try one last time to remedy his situation, and went to see a headache specialist.

The doctor said, "Good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Steve was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need a new suit." Steve entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."

Steve' laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!"

Steve tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Steve admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Steve thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Steve and said, "Let's see .. 34 sleeve and 16 and a half neck."

Steve was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!"

Steve tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Steve adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

Steve was on a roll and said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Steve's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2 E."

Steve was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!"

Steve tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. As Steve walked comfortably around the shop the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

Steve thought for a second and said, "Sure."

The salesman stepped back, eyed Steve's waist and said, "Let's see size 36."

Steve laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 32. A 32 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

Nice One!!!

One fat guy -


One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.


He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours." He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.


Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.


He's back on the street and starts to think.


"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."


So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."


"No problem," says the manager.


Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door

when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.


"If I catch you, you're mine."

Santa Once More !!!!!

Santa Singh, who had recently arrived in the US, wanted to earn some money. He decided to become a 'handy-man' and started looking for some work in an up market locality nearby.

He noticed that a beautiful bungalow belonged to an Indian family. He went there and asked the owner, if he had any odd jobs for him to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" the owner asked.

Santa responded, "How about $ 20?"

The owner said "Fine, there's a can of brown paint and brushes in the garage."

The owner's wife, inside the house, overhearing the conversation asked her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all around the house? That's a whole day's job."

The man replied, "He should; he was standing on it. Plus, he's an enterprising Sardar. Do you think he's dumb?"

"No, I don't think so. I guess I'm just influenced by those stupid Sardar e-mail jokes we keep receiving."

A short time later, Santa came to the door and asked for $ 20.

"You've finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," he replied, "and there was paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the money and handed it to him.

"And by the way," Santa Singh added, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW..."

Grandma in Court

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they
aren't  prepared for the answer!

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.    He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a  big disappointment to me.. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate  people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a  big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will  amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know  you.."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney (the opponent's lawyer)?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a  drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone  and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to  mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of  them was your wife. ..Yes I know him."   

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet  voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me,  I'll send you to jail for contempt of court !!!